Saturday, August 11, 2007

New Holiday

Due to the overwhelming success of the INTERNATIONAL SHOOT YOURSELF IN THE HEAD DAY and the cries all over the world to make love, not war, A new International holiday has been declared by the UN.

Before we announce this new holiday a brief explaination maybe in order:

Prior to the the above holiday the worlds population was a productive 6.5 billion.

Due to the success of the holiday and the worlds embracing of it the population has slumped to numbers not seen for 150 years....2.4 billion.


We at the

SOCIETY FOR THE PRESERVATION OF SELF-RIGHTEOUS BASTARDS

had no idea there were so many gun owners who could shoot so accurately.

However this population slump seems to be contained within a few areas.....these are list below:

Southern States of America.......the population seems to have dived to record lows with a 85% decrease in population.

Northern American States..... decresed by 75% the majority of the decrease is in the 18- 30 year age bracket of African American men and White Wanna Bes.

Middle East...... has dropped by 70% it must be noted here the there was an incorrect interpretation of the rules in these countries. Several mininority groups thought it was INTERNATIONAL SHOOT ANYONE IN THE HEAD DAY, however this error has been fixed for next year.

Rowanda, Uganda, Ethiopia and several African Coutries: has had its population drop by a massive 69%. A small adjustment needed to be made in these countries. This was because the majority of gun owner was solely government officials and law inforcement. The general populations were mostly to poor to own a gun and those that did had no ammunition so it has become


NATIONAL HIT YOURSELF OR YOUR NEIGHBOUR IN THE HEAD WITH A MACHETI(BIG KNIFE) DAY.



I am sure you can see the problem. The drop in population has been huge and has caused overwhelming problems for most of the countries involved.

So to counter act this, A new holiday has been decided this is:

INTERNATIONAL MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR DAY!


The rules are as follows:

This day will take 4 months before INTERNATIONAL SHOOT YOURSELF IN THE HEAD DAY. A registration process will take place 24 hours before the event to ensure full participation. All persons must be over the age of 21 years. You must shag the person standing next to you. All person who become pregnant will receive a 16 years full benefits to support their new family and allow the adult to stay and be a full time parent thus guaranteeing the health safety and moral stabilty of the next generation.


We at the SOCIETY FOR THE PRESERVATION OF SELF-RIGHTEOUS BASTARDS
Thank you for your continuing support.

4 comments:

Gerri said...

Here I am, reporting from one of the Southern States in the US! Wow, shoot yourself in the head day really thinned this place out.

Now, I need to find the biggest knife I have and run over to the neighbors house... if you will excuse me.

GAY BIPOLAR GUY said...

Thanks a lot for nothing. Unless the person next to me is also queer, there won't be any shagging. As usual, the str8s get all the benefits, and the gays are stuck out in the utter cold. You breeders are insufferably smug (I say with love in my heart--no hate speech, here).

How about this: As written by Jonathon Swift in A Modest Proposal, how about we cook up and eat the surplus children. He claims they're quite tender.

BTW, there ARE a couple of decent Americans somewhere.

aussiecynic said...

Hi ya very happy bipolar guy.... there are a couple of decent americans..... and you are one of them.... however I did not say anything about the person next to you having to be a different gender.... its make love not war day so shag away my friend

GAY BIPOLAR GUY said...

Oops--my meds are on the fritz today. Sorry.